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Retired Allen Iverson Greatest Player of Post-Jordan Era

By Sean McAlevey THE ROLLER COASTER, MORON MOUNTAIN, Toon Land — With Allen Iverson officially retired from the NBA as of the Philadelphia 76ers’ home opener against the Miami Heat on Wednesday night,...

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Kentucky Fatally Flawed With Calipari as Coach

By Sean McAlevey SHAWN BRADLEY’S THERAPIST’S OFFICE, USA, Earth — With 1:15 left in the 2008 national championship game and the Memphis Tigers leading the Kansas Jayhawks 62-58, Memphis’ Chris...

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Bill Belichick Coach of the Year for Kicking in OT

By Sean McAlevey MJ’S CHILDHOOD BASKETBALL COURT, NC, Earth — Bill Belichick is a genius. Let’s give credit where credit is due. Personally, I hate the guy. And about 98% of everyone outside of Bastan...

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Jamaal Charles the Future of NFL Running Game

By Sean McAlevey THE GOLF COURSE WORMHOLE, USA, Earth — It’s not a secret that the NFL has witnessed less rushing in recent years as teams have taken a liking to the pass. Teams are averaging a mere 27...

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Rob Ryan and the Importance of Defensive Coordinators

By Sean McAlevey THE TOON SQUAD LOCKER ROOM, TOON ARENA, Toon Land — After failing to reach the playoffs last season, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones did what Jerry Jones does best: he found a...

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Joakim Noah and the Rise of the Point Center

By Sean McAlevey SECTION 310, ROW 14, SEAT 6, LOONEY TOON ARENA, Toon Land — For many years, at least as far back as the 1980s, certain star forwards have been tasked with running their team’s offense...

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When’s a Lead Safe in Baseball?

By Sean McAlevey THE SHADE OF BILL MURRAY’S UMBRELLA HAT, USA, Earth — Yesterday I rediscovered the timeless Bill James “safe lead” formula for college basketball, which calculates exactly when a given...

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The Preseason Top 25 and the 16 Seed’s Burden

By Sean McAlevey THE MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL FIELD WHERE THE LOONEY TOON SPACESHIP FIRST LANDS, USA, Earth — With the Final Four coming to a close tonight as Kentucky squares off against Connecticut in...

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The End of Westbrook and Durant?

By Jeremy Rucker STANLEY PODOLAK’S FAVORITE LAUNDROMAT, Maryland, Earth — Here we are again. Another year, another deep but ultimately unsuccessful Thunder playoff run. For the fourth year in a row,...

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Eagles in Need of Less Kelly, More Defense

By Sean McAlevey IN THE MONSTAR LOCKER ROOM, Toon Land — Slated as Superbowl contenders following an offseason of bold roster moves, the Philadelphia Eagles are currently 3-3 and in the midst of an...

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